Maybe He’s Born With It…(The First of our Dog Notes Weekly Whine series)

Posted on January 18, 2011 by dognotesinc

Random (and sometimes very strange) thoughts on yet another cold, winter day…

The sun finally made an appearance.  As we walked around the lake, it was the first time I noticed his highlights (and lowlights) on the top of his head and a bit on the ears.

My first thought was…maybe the “sun did it” (does anyone remember the Sun-In commercials?  To my surprise-the product is still around- quite reasonable, too, at about $4.99. I should check that out…) Anyway, my next actual serious thought was, I really don’t remember this rainbow of colors on his head.  Hmmm…, maybe he’s born with it?  Maybe it’s…?  Nah…   Nevermind.

Author’s note: I cannot be held responsible for these strange outbursts.  This is what happens when we can only get out for about 10 gulps of fresh air every few days.   Now I know where the term “brain freeze” started.  Mine hasn’t thawed out yet.

During our last outing, the lad was giving me every indication that I walk way too slow for his standards.   At the beginning of every walk, he insists upon testing me to see if he can set the pace.
Initially, his little doggie boots were in my favor.  They started out as the “Invasion of the Paw Snatchers” and actually slowed him down a bit.  Now, sadly they are  ReeBark cross trainers.  He’s found his feet and thinks he’s “large and in charge” at least for the first few minutes of the walk.
My evil teasing doesn’t slow him down anymore, either.  “Hey buddy.  Cute Collie approaching from the right.   (I glance over and see him holding his breath as he tucks in his tummy…) Oh, nevermind, big guy.  She’s batting her eyelashes at that cute Malamute pup coming out of the woods.  Guess she’s not into redheads, ha ha ha!   Especially, redheads wearing sissy boots!    Ha, ha, ha!   Gotcha!  Woo, hoo!  Good one!”
Didn’t work.  He didn’t care.  Watching me lose my mind was much more interesting to him, along with a couple of squirrels on the left and the fresh goose poop to the right.

Lately, I’m thinkin’ he has a couple of imaginary friends.  Every so often he shakes his head for no apparent reason as if to say “No, not now!  She’s right heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!”

I really don’t care for one of them.

That would be the  “Bad One” and we will call him B.O. in future posts.  B.O. is an evil mastermind.  He is the one that makes your dog eat deer poop.  He’s also been known to double dare our faithful friends to bring dead moles* into the house and proudly set them on the rug for approval.  B.O. is the one that holds your dog back when you call him to come into the house from the back yard.

Venison caviar, anyone?

No matter how many times I see deer on the trail, I have to pause and enjoy the moment.  Lately; however, as we walk by them, I notice a couple of quick nods in the dog’s direction. The dog appears to respond with a “Hey guys!  Wassup?” cool nod of his own and continues to look for squirrels.  I wonder if the deer would continue to think he was cool if they knew he was wearing doggie boots as I don’t think they can see them thru the brush.  Soooooo… I’ll have to make a note to order those neon yellow ones from the new Spring line… Heck, we’ll try anything to keep his ego in check and yes, some of you will say that making him wear bright yellow boots is some form of negative reinforcement. Well, you are very wrong.  Since it has to do with his feet, it’s actually “pawsitive” reinforcement.

(Remember, as stated above, I cannot be held accountable for these outbursts…)

These subtle greetings alert me to the fact this must be the deer that hang out in my yard.  Yes, the same ones that dine on our fruit trees every year and teach their kids to do the same.
As if that wasn’t rude enough, after their dessert of apples and pears, they are too lazy to have the decency to leave my yard to poop over at the neighbor’s.   Instead, they leave their calling card of tempting appetizers for the dogs to sniff, eat and/or roll around in. Sometimes, with B.O.’s encouragement, a few pieces end up on the rug to say “Hey!  See what I didn’t eat today!”
Did you know that none of the doggie pooper scoopers work on deer poop?  A cordless shop vac with disposable hoses would probably do the trick.

As Seen on T.V.

Mark my words…one of these days an infomercial is going to wake you up with some happy camper in their yard demonstrating the “Dang Deer Dung Dooley”.

Payback

I wonder if the boy thinks of the deer as being just one, big, fresh antler chew?  “Hey! Prancer!  Dude…!  Who’s the dog with the awesome highlights hanging off your rack?”

Couldn’t end this without a Fluffy story.

On our way home, we were heading towards a woman and her little gray poodle; adorned with two big pink bows. (The dog-it’s the dog with the bows!)  As we get closer, the woman sees us approaching and runs back to her pooch.  I assume she is going to put a leash on her.  But noooooooo, she walks back to have a “talk” with the dog.
Probably telling her that a huge monster is approaching and to stay with mama.  For the most part; however, she’s not all that concerned because she never hooks up a leash nor does she pick up the dog.  Instead, her dog finally sees us and charges – yapping all the way.  She stops right in front of us, strikes a pose -which appears to be a paw on her hip as if she needs to get something off her mind.
What the heck?  Did she see him checkin’ out the Collie earlier today?  Did my dog stand her up last week?  Forget her birthday?   Breakup with her on Muttbook?
By now, her dog has worked herself into a frenzy.  Finally, the woman scratches her head and asks “Is he “alright?”
Alright?   Such as… is he hungry? nice? mean? sick? perverted? right in the head? did he get enough sleep last night? horny? getting an urge to chew on something with pink bows right about now?
I reminded her about the leash laws in the forest preserves and she proceeds to tell me with a slur and a stagger…she forgot the leash.  Okey dokey, but on my planet when one decides they are going to take the dog for a walk, they usually remember the leash.  Since under 10% of dog owners sign up for obedience class with an even smaller percentage  actually following thru with their lessons; I’m tending to doubt this dog’s skills in the off-leash department.  Therefore, “Leash Required” gets my vote!
Maybe we should give her a break here as the woman’s behavior tells me today was the expiration date on the eggnog so instead of tossing it… and  let’s face it, she could have grabbed the leash and forgot the dog.  (Although, I do seem to remember a student that showed up for class once without her dog.  Said she drove about halfway and looked back at the crate and it was empty.  She panicked.  Turns out the dog was fine. If I remember correctly, he was waiting patiently for her in their other car…)
As we were leaving the park, about 12 geese took off flying from the  edge of the lake which prompted me to start teaching my boy the “don’t look up” command.

Birdie, birdie in the sky; dropped some whitewash in my eye.  I’m a big girl, I don’t cry.  I’m just glad that cows don’t fly.

Speaking of cows, some day I’ll tell you about the lad’s experience with a black bull he met in Wisconsin last summer.  We named him “Eddie”.   The doggie boots would have really come in handy that trip.
It’s only the beginning of January and it IS a long winter…and that’s no bull!

*This is one little dude in need of a serious makeover…** No moles were harmed during the writing of this post. The above are hired temps from the local mole academy.

***B.O. is so clever and deserves more than just a few sentences.  Therefore, we will  devote an entire post to him in the future.  (He made me write that.)
Always clean up after your dogs!  (especially when they clean up after the deer!)
Dog Notes, Inc.